Shit Roosters Say

"What are those pants with the built in suspenders called?"

Y'all, he was going for overalls.

 

“You have to stop listening to that song, your accent is out of control”

 

This morning when my alarm went off:

P: HUH?!? Oh, but...I dont know what's going on?
Me: ssshhh it's okay. Go back to sleep.
P: pfft, you say that NOW! zzzzzz

 

“How many people do you think pretended not to understand the This is America music video last year but said black lives matter in the last 7 days”

 

"How do you take a shower without using your hands?"



"You always wash your hands after."

And that's how P learned about retinol.

 

Snuggling in bed.
J: You smell good.
Me: Thanks
J: Like pencils
Me:

 

I was steamed about the foolish risk my dad and aunt are taking going to my cousin’s wedding.
“I mean, I talked your dad out of joining an MLM today. Your expectations are still too high.”

 

Watching America’s Next Top Model

N: what is baby phat?
Me: a 2000s clothing company
N: but if it’s for babies why is it on here

 

A was doing the dishes and asked if I wanted tea. I said yes. He came back ten minutes later and said "sorry, did you want tea or not?"
Me: yes please
Ten minutes after that he walked past me and went upstairs one cup of tea in hand He is having a day.

 

J still balances his checkbook and has been off for several weeks and couldn't figure it out. He finally sat down and went through EVERYthing and his calcuations.
J: "Well, it would be helpful if I would ADD in my paychecks!"
Me: Have you been debiting them?
J: Apparently.
Me: This is why you can't be the banker in Monopoly.

 

We put together big kid beds for the boys today. They can be single or bunked.

Me: "shouldn't we find the instructions that are for the single beds?"

P: "I'm pretty sure I won't get to the end and say Oh shit, I made a bunk bed."

Yeah, he was right.

 

But what if you want room for activities

 

We're going to bunk them eventually. Right now that would definitely result in at least 1 ER visit .

 

Ordering pizza

"Did you get emotionless delivery?"

He meant contactless delivery

 

Amazon’s working on it.

 

J, trying to make "you snooze, you lose' work in the past tense: You snost, you lost.

 

Well, we found the 1 Amazon driver that actually follows the deliver instructions. Everyone else seems to treat it like a paper route and just chuck it out the window on the way by...

 

“What kind of dog lets a cat eat their food, Lucy Bear? What kind of dog??”

 

This morning he said something along the lines of “Hey Fish, look at this thing I’m going to do that’s a TERRIBLE idea!”

He then picked (38 pound) Fry up by the feet and swung him in a high enough arc that Fry would clear the bed and land on the mattress. Fry thought it was the most awesome thing ever. From a biomechanical standpoint,
it was very much in the “not awesome” category.

Surprise of surprises, rooster’s back hurts now.

 

I don’t even know if this is rational but I get so so nervous about anyone picking L up by the arms, grabbing a leg, etc. (Obviously just playfully!) I’m in the background going TORSO ONLY!!!!!

 

I’m a stickler about picking up kids by the arms because of their shoulders, I don’t know how bad picking them up by the feet is. So far it’s only harmed rooster.

 

Also now Fry knows it is an option and will bug Rooster with "Again! Again!"

Or maybe that's just B & C.