Shit Roosters Say

Discussion in 'Free Range' started by Fitz, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. allmaple

    allmaple Chicken

    J: do you want me to text you a picture of the appliances after they’re installed or do you want to come home and be surprised?
    Fitz and CoolWife like this.
  2. HBC

    HBC Chicken


    Which did you choose?
  3. allmaple

    allmaple Chicken

    I said he could pick :lol: But, I didn’t want to pay $129 to install the microwave and that takes two people so it won’t even be in until I get home. We did pay the install fee for the dishwasher, J probably could have done it but was worried about the mounting bracket with the granite counter.
  4. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    I asked W what he wanted to do for dinner. He said, "I want to eat my feelings." HARD SAME.
  5. user4058

    user4058 Chicken

    W is all of us. So pizza and wine tonight?
    CJ, Lh718, RoryGilmore and 3 others like this.
  6. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    Whatever we do for food, I'm getting a prosecco so I can toast the best presidential candidate I have ever known.
    CJ, Kimmers, user4030 and 5 others like this.
  7. HBC

    HBC Chicken

    I also have some feeling I would like to eat
    CJ, user4058, A. Ham and 1 other person like this.
  8. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    We're going out to eat tonight, and while I rarely drink on school nights, I am making an exception, and will strategically raise my glass northward, to you.
    CJ, Lh718, RoryGilmore and 2 others like this.
  9. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

  10. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    OMJG someone else is eating their feelings too.

  11. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    allmaple, A. Ham, Afishwish and 5 others like this.
  12. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    I’m cracking up. JUST LET BAILEY EAT THE BURRITO (unless it has toxic stuff in it.)
    A. Ham, virgo, Afishwish and 2 others like this.
  13. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    Yeah, I'm guessing they don't want him to get an upset tummy but I feel like he's more than earned that burrito.
    RoryGilmore likes this.
  14. shakespeer

    shakespeer Basic Pirate Lesbian Aesthete

    We’re going to a wing pop up at a fancy donut shop and it feels correctly timed.
    Canaligator likes this.
  15. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

    S was going to be near CVS so I asked him to buy a few things including lanolin.

    S: what brand?
    Me: doesn't matter. Look in the baby aisle.
    S: it's for nipples they say.
    Comet, megatron, allmaple and 4 others like this.
  16. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

    The lanolin story gets better. He had three people helping him look. Finally, they ask a female coworker and she says it's for nipples.

    Woman: is she breastfeeding?
    S: I don't think so.
  17. allmaple

    allmaple Chicken

    I swear, J has the most epic brain farts.

    If you buy alcohol at Wegmans, no matter what you look like you have to show ID and they type your birthday into the register.

    Me: the cashier swapped the numbers in my birthday and put 1968 instead of 1986.
    J: Ha! I can't believe it let him do that, you'd be so old you'd be dead!
    Me: what?? How long ago do you think 1968 was? Our parents were born in the 50's!
    J: no they weren't!!
    Me: o_O
    MagnificentCat, Fitz, A. Ham and 13 others like this.
  18. virgo

    virgo Chicken

  19. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    Me quoting something stupid from the White House presser.

    W (to the dog): “That’s what happens when you have a demagogue in charge, Lucy!”
  20. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    We are having C’s daycare friend F and her dad over tomorrow to discuss a co-op childcare situation now that daycare is closed.
    Me: F’s dad is coming at like 9:30/10
    B: ok. ... I assume F is also coming?
    Canaligator likes this.
  21. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    While brushing C's teeth tonight. C obviously enjoys the baby pear/apple flavored toothpaste.

    M: how much toothpaste is it safe for someone to eat?
    Me: well this is baby-safe so I figure it's fine for him to eat the entire pea-sized amount it says to use.
    M: what amount of regular toothpaste is safe for an adult male to eat though?
    user4058, RoryGilmore, T-Rex and 9 others like this.
  22. Imabug1002

    Imabug1002 Chick pee

    J is off today and tomorrow and I'm working from home. He thinks working from home is a day off so we had this conversation last night:

    J: Oh we can watch this tomorrow morning over coffee (referring to an hour long comedy special on Netflix)
    Me: I have to work. My meetings start at 8 am
    J: :?: Well, we'll have to get up early
    He got up at 8:45...

    He seriously looked like this when I told him I had to work...
  23. Imabug1002

    Imabug1002 Chick pee

    Getting coffee in the kitchen...

    J: Bug! Look at me.
    Me: (looks around corner at him)
    J: I’m a beautiful statue! (T-shirt pulled up to flash me, sweat pants and boxers pulled down to his knees with his dick and balls tucked back and his arms spread wide.)

    I wish I was making this up... it’s going to be a long few weeks (or whatever it takes for social distancing.)
    allmaple, virgo, calicat and 8 others like this.
  24. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

    This is pure gold. Please keep sharing J's WFH antics.
    Erie likes this.
  25. Erie

    Erie Florida AF

    Last week was Tampa Bay Beer Week (the first half of it at least before everything got canceled). K drove me, my boss, and my coworker around one night so we could enjoy Beer Week events and drink without worrying about a ride. At some point that evening my boss appointed him Director of Team Morale due to his comments about one of our pain in the ass clients (gonna call him Chad, his real name is equally douchey).

    K knows we’ve all been stressed AF about business (everything is in the toilet right now, unsure if we will make it out of this without going under) so he started a Facebook Messenger thread today with us entitled “Fuckin’ Chad” (because that’s what he says every time I vent about him - “fuckin Chad!!!”). Guys, he Facebook stalked this guy and found a photo where he’s laughing very awkwardly and has started creating memes with this photo! We found out Chad was the only person not laid off from his brewery today other than the brewers, and we were lamenting that he somehow escapes every time someone points out that he’s THE WORST at his job. Here are a couple of those (obviously can’t post the memes themselves bc of this guy’s pic):
    “When there’s a toilet paper shortage and you’re worried Because you’re the only employee left and you’re shitty at your job”
    “When you try to social distance But no one wanted to hang out with you anyway”

    The best ones I can’t post anything at all because they’re too identifying. But my boss said it best when she told him “this is everything your position was made to be and more”.

    Also, K discussing what he wants out of this job:
    “where do you see yourself in 5 yrs?"
    "Hammered drunk at a beer festival handing out business cards that say I'm Chief Morale Officer of [my company]. But on the back of business card, it's just a meme of Chad."
    "That's oddly specific."