Family: The Gift You Can’t Return

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Scout, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    Huge surprise: Mamafish is being Mamafish.

    Today she texted me (first communication from her in at least a week, despite calling more frequently to make sure she’s alive). She said she wants to know dates ok to visit so she can come for three weekdays.

    Her granddaughter is 6 months old, she hasn’t seen her grandson in a year and a half. She’s retired and has no obligations to keep her from taking a longer trip. While on-brand, it’s pretty cold even for her.

    Despite my in-law vents, they give so much more of a shit.
     
  2. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    It's really sad to learn that your family is not who you hoped they were.
     
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  3. Imabug1002

    Imabug1002 Chick pee

    Well this really succinctly sums up the struggle I’ve been having with my mom the past few years.
     
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  4. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    Same.
     
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  5. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    At first I thought the short stay was her way of being courteous. Do you want her to come for longer? You know the old proverb. “Houseguests and fish both begin to smell after three days.”
     
  6. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    It’s possible, but tbh I think this is her doing the bare minimum. I don’t so much want her to stay longer, just want her to at least seem to care more. When Fry was born she came up often, then got mad at rooster over a minor infraction and rarely visited after that.
     
  7. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    It has been a special kind of fun to see my brother enjoying fatherhood so much and just generally being so comfortable in his skin.
     
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  8. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    For all the shit I talk about my ILs I just want to say that my MIL has been sleeping on the floor of the baby’s room during his naps and after he wakes up at 3am. She clearly loves him and is doing whatever she can.
    @Afishwish did Mamafish makes actual plans yet?
     
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  9. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

  10. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

  11. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    Mom: don't bother getting ice cream. We have 2 cartons at home. These flavors [points at store brand].

    Me: :eyebrow:
    Me: grabs some Blue Bell
    Me: don't make me cancel you, Mommy.

    Mom: snob, lol
     
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  12. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    ETA: this is a vent, and I'm genuinely sorry if it's upsetting to anyone. It's a lot.

    It has been an exhausting day. My brother relapsed into drinking last night because this place is horrible. He shared a bunch more of my parents' bullshit that I didn't know about and his current mixed feelings about being supportive of our mom.

    Then my mom came into my room asking why my brother is always the way he is and giving me a look. I straight up told her because of our fucked up and abusive upbringing and that OH BTW if she feels the need to badmouth my brother, who has been lighting himself on fire for over a year to keep her warm, she should probably not come to me for that and to just please throw herself down the stairs. That obviously led to a conversation. She apologized in tears because, "even though I don't remember anything that you've talked about, I guess I have to believe you." Yeah, I have ALL THE FAITH that it's a genuine apology. About 10min later she made the offhand remark that Filipino parents are just sensitive to disrespect.

    Brother and I both fly home tomorrow, and I'm going to ask him to look for an earlier flight than he has.
     
  13. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    I’m sorry, friend. I’m sorry you guys have a complicated relationship. I get it. Easier said than done, but don’t let her manipulation tactics get the better of you.
     
  14. megatron

    megatron Wordsmith Staff Member

  15. Imabug1002

    Imabug1002 Chick pee

    Long background short: My great aunt passed from Covid in May of 2020. She had no kids so left her estate to her nieces and nephews or their kids. Since my dad passed, my siblings and I are splitting my dad’s portion of the inheritance. We don’t know how much or when.

    Complaint: My fucking brother keeps bothering me and our sister about when we will get it because he “needs the money for the wedding.” 1. You’re a greedy POS. 2. How the fuck should we know? 3. Why did you spend more money than you had on your wedding that’s in 2 weeks? 4. If it’s that big of a deal call the attorney and leave me the fuck out of it.

    It just feels so slimey to be asking for/expecting/already planning for the money. Like I feel gross even getting the money, I haven’t seen the lady since 2006 and that was at a funeral for my grandfather and she had dementia then! I know my dad was her favorite and I appreciate being included in his absent but it’s just weird. Plus it’s basically pandemic blood money. She was fine before she got covid in a nursing home.
     
  16. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    I get asking about it maybe once just to know what the plan is, but given all things he’s being gross.
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2021
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  17. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    Welp, in the redundant tale that is Fish’s Dysfunctional Family, mamafish is refusing to talk to me. If I call or text, nothing. The only times I’ve talked to her this month have been when she’s been at my dad’s house, and it’s been her in the background. My dad says she’s in pity party mode, to wait her out and not make it my problem. If I did something I have no clue what it is. My dad has been in communication enough with her that I assume she’s ok (for her).

    At this point I’m just mad at myself for getting my feelings hurt over this shit. My mother has borderline personality disorder, refuses to get help for it, and I need to keep my expectations realistic.
     
  18. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    Give yourself plenty of grace. It's natural to be hurt by your mom's actions especially because she's your mom. It sucks when the people we instinctively trust and turn to continue to be disappointing.
     
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  19. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    Your parents remind me a lot of mine with the sexes switched, Fish. The narcissism, the questionable and childlike decision-making, the weird codependency between the two of them even after divorce. My dad is also freezing me out. Until he needs something of course.
     
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  20. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    @Honey I’m sorry.

    They really do sound like peas in a pod, though they’d probably implode the pod.
     
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  21. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    Mamafish finally visited, and it was delightful. I’m really glad it went well. It went so well it almost made me forget the bad parts of a relationship with her. We’ll enjoy this good spell while it lasts.
     
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  22. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    Yes, I know full well I did this to myself despite my own better judgment and P's gentle but insistent words of concern.

    I just got off a way too long phone convo with my mom. She simultaneously tried to convince me that her life is full of more activities and plans than she has time BUT ALSO so abnormal and lacking that she finds herself having conversations with the tv for mental stimulation. It was tiring plus kind of insulting that she thought I would believe her obvious lies and misdirections.

    Why did I even do this? Because earlier today I had a long text convo with my brother. He's worried about our mom and is at his wit's end as to how to deal with her being so needy and manipulative.

    Honestly, they're so alike, and the truth is probably somewhere way off from either of their perspectives. I liked it much more when they were both just leaving me alone.
     
  23. Imabug1002

    Imabug1002 Chick pee

    My grandmother has always been a "take no shit" type of lady and I absolutely love it. Recently her and my grandfather sold their cabin to my cousin J and he has been fixing it up and taking his family etc. My grandparents are still allowed to use it whenever they want, it's getting fixed up, they have more money etc. overall it's positive. My aunt, D, however, is being a major bitch about it. She's claiming that her kid should have had first dibs because he's oldest and her DIL, supposedly, "asked about buying it years ago." No one remembers this, nor does anyone care because the DIL is annoying AF and we all expect she wanted to to try to resell for more or sell the gas rights or something slimy. Now my Aunt D, her son or DIL won't speak with my grandparents (her parents!) because of it. I guess D sent a card and gift card recently even though she isn't speaking with them so my gram mailed it back with a note telling her to keep it and put it towards whatever amount she felt she was cheated out of and that she was under the impression that their property was theirs until they die so they should be allowed to do whatever they want with it!! I had heard about the note, but my aunt is trying to start drama and was texting pics of it to the family. I got the pic from my sister and was cracking up, my gram signed it with her full name :lol: Luckily no one is falling for the bullshit and are defending my grandparents.
     
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  24. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    I like her a lot.
     
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  25. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    Your grandma is goals.
     
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