Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Scout, Jul 11, 2014.
It is so hard. Sending you love.
I'm sorry A&O
That's awful A&O I'm sorry
I’m sorry A&O.
I’m so sorry. Or sucks how this pandemic is malt everything so much more stressful.
I give up on understanding my mother. All night were texts of woe and praying for a miracle etc. My brother and I hardly slept.
This morning, it's as if yesterday didn't happen. She gave us a usual type update, mentioned the priest had come for anointing of the sick but not last rites. My brother and SIL apparently spent much of their night making plans to go to Houston and stay for a while. When he shared it with my mom, she feigned surprise and told him it was unnecessary and to maybe wait a week so our dad could maybe be moved to the long-term acute hospital as planned. When we asked what the doctors had said today, she claimed nothing new.
My brother and I are just emotionally exhausted and confused. She either doesn't recognize or, worse, doesn't care that she's torturing us both. Yesterday was full of random, surprise video calls with my dad who seems super out of it. Today...nothing.
This is hard enough without dealing with the crappiness of family craziness. I’m sorry you’re being put through the emotional ringer on multiple levels. I know you know, but this is so not on you that your mom is doing this stuff.
Years ago (pre-Fry), my MIL bristled when I said childhood stories about my BIL sounded pretty ASD. She’d insist that no, those were typical gifted behaviors, and when Fry came along she said the same about Fry’s autism flags, too. To her credit, she wouldn’t say that today. Both my ILs though were initially pretty dismissive of Fry’s diagnosis. Anyways, I think their attitudes have improved, but I’m not sure they’d really internalized it. I’d had the feeling they were eye rolling his being in SPED and receiving additional services.
I made the mistake of mentioning “Love on the Spectrum” to my ILs; I’d only seen the first episode at that point, which was generally upbeat. Later episodes had some sadder moments, and had I known that, I don’t think I would have talked about it with them. Anyways, they watched it, and apparently the daily morning call with rooster was them freaking out asking him if Fry would be like the people on the show. There are some really awesome people on it, so I’m glad I was not present for this conversation.
Rooster told them that if Fry stays where he is developmentally, yes, he will be like some of them. He told them he shares traits with some of the people on the show, and probably always will. Their response was essentially OMJG OMJG GET HIM ALL THE SERVICES SEND HIM BACK TO SCHOOL PAY ALL THE MONIES FOR ALL OF IT.
So...yay for not thinking we’re full of shit anymore for getting him extra help, but ick on the ableism. They adore the kid and think he’s the most wonderful thing that’s ever existed, I have no doubt of that, but damn am I glad I slept in and missed today’s FaceTime.
Sorry about the words words SO MANY WORDS.
Damn I'm glad you got to miss that, too, @Afishwish . It's really sad for them that they're so limited and rigid with what's socially acceptable or whatever it is they fear. It's also really gross that they seem to believe that all the extra help will "fix" him.
Thanks. The irony is that considering how concerned they are about what’s “normal”, they are often rude af in a way that’s not socially acceptable. Loving, generous people, but damn can they be rude.
I guess it’s good that they are least recognizing Fry will do better with specific help. However, it also makes me a bit sad they seem to think it’s something to “fix” rather than that the help is working with him to give him the skills he needs to succeed in his own way in his own life. But they obviously care about him from what you’ve said, so that’s good.
My MIL sent me these salted caramels from an awesome local place. I can’t be mad at her.
I mean being generous and clueless are not mutually exclusive traits.
I can’t fault her attempt though. Caramels are my love language too.
The shortcut love language nobody talks about.
Although my sister told me that my love language is “isolation.” She’s a bitch but she’s not wrong.