The birth of my first was a horribly traumatic experience and I could not repeat it. The worst was my two day old child being moved to a different hospital and being stuck where I was. Needing NICU was a guess at first but a reality when he was born at 27wks. He was never going to go past 37wks, and likely 34 by the time they found the IUGR and pre-e at 26 wks (which happened at 30wks with my first), which changed everything, obviously. I had tons of extra monitoring which likely saved us both. When he was delivered he has been failing NSTs for a week and barely passing BPPs for days. I highly recommend talking to your pcp and/or a therapist about how you’re feeling. Prenatal mood disorders are the strongest predictor of post natal depression, and just having a support system in place will help so much if you need it. Even if it’s just knowing what to look out for and making sure your partner can help you get help. I had ppd with my first and never treated it until a year before I had my second. PPD again but now I have a support system in place and am able to deal with it (and the reality of having a baby in a pandemic) much better.