Time to put on the cone of shame

Discussion in 'Free Range' started by Rico Suave, Nov 30, 2016.

  1. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

    We do that even when wine is for sale. I'm not paying $15 a glass for your shitty wine, Karen.
  2. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    We went out for ice cream because it was hot. Fry’s cone was melting faster than he could eat it, so I thought I’d be clever and lick the circumference of melting ice cream. Ngl, besides wanting to stop the mess I wanted to steal some of my kid’s ice cream.

    Well, the scoop was not packed in well, and it rolled off the cone and somehow onto my shoulder. I instinctively scrunched my head to the side to catch it. I did catch it between my cheek and shoulder and saved the scoop, but ended up with ice cream all over my face, neck, and shirt.
  3. virgo

    virgo Chicken

    :lol: sorry for laughing
    Zombie Llama and Afishwish like this.
  4. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    Some guy shoplifted a bunch of food from Giant and got caught outside riiight as I was heading in to enter the store. Security was really rough with him, and the whole thing was terrifying once my brain put together what was happening. Stupid me didn’t stand back from the situation like literally everyone else. Instead, I tried to maneuver my cart around it and bypass to the entrance. I ended up almost walking right into the shoplifter, who was a huge dude, and we locked eyes.

    I fully realized how stupid I was right at that very moment and ended up spontaneously buying a bunch of shit I probably don’t need. I’m kind of ashamed of panic-me.
  5. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    It sounds like an intense enough situation that your brain short-circuiting is understandable
  6. A. Ham

    A. Ham Chicken

    I am suuuuuuch a derp and my coworker made it even worse today.

    I mentioned that my teammates are being made redundant and today was the end of consultation so they got their official notice of redundancy.

    During my old office mate's, she and our boss and our HR rep were having the notice meeting in the next office (separated by one thin door) and someone messaged me that Toni Morrison has died. I'm a big fan and also she lived very near my parents, so I went to text the news to A but accidentally texted it to my coworker. I realized immediately and sent an 'oops sorry wrong number!' text. A minute later I heard her phone go off LOUDLY, it had delayed because the service is shit in our area. I sat at my desk dying that I had interrupted such an important meeting but figured that she would have just ignored it until after.

    NO NO. You guys, she STOPPED THE MEETING AND READ THE TEXT OUT LOUD. My boss, an hour later, was like 'Oh [Coworker] told us you said Toni Morrison is dead?' I could have crawled under my desk and died of embarrassment.
  7. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    Oh my god!

    Also I saw that she had died right before stepping into my first solo deposition and it was not good timing. Rest in power, Ms. Morrison.
    Pickles and A. Ham like this.
  8. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    So I've been on medication for years now, and it has always included an AM dose. Guess what I realized I had forgotten to do the second I shut off my car at the BART station? Yeah.

    Thankfully I'm crazypants when it comes to time and w had a 30min buffer built in but still. I'm going to have to literally run from the station to get to my class on time. Haha, it's CPR, so at least there will be a room full of people that can revive me.
  9. scotchbutter

    scotchbutter Chicken

    I ordered some new glasses frames directly from the designer since they weren’t available at the glasses place.

    They arrived with a giant brand logo on the lenses and I spent a few weeks emailing with the designer customer service about returning them since of course I don’t want to wear the logo in front of my eyes.

    I felt pretty dumb when I realized OF COURSE the lenses will be completely replaced with my real prescription lenses so it doesn’t matter.
  10. Kimmers

    Kimmers Chicken

    I can’t stop laughing. :lol::kiss:
  11. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    :lol: I love you, @scotchbutter. This is a pretty solid story. (And hey, congrats on new frames at least!)
  12. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    I was pushing Fry in his stroller and scanning the park we were walking next to for people we were supposed to meet. Not minding my surroundings, I walked the poor kid straight into a rose bush. It was one of those things where he wouldn’t have cried if I hadn’t drawn attention to it, so I don’t think he was too hurt, but damn did I feel bad.
  13. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    I was literally looking at the clouds riding my bike and rode into a parked car when I was like 11, you’re good.
  14. Comet

    Comet Chicken

    I did this same thing, except I was approximately 25 and the car was stopped at a stop sign. Alcohol may have been involved.
  15. Chevere

    Chevere Chicken

    Who misplaced a single number in her vin when switching insurances in March and almost got her registration suspended because it didn't match when she went to renew registration? Oops. Thankfully the insurance company was able to get it all sorted and resent to the DMV.
    Afishwish likes this.
  16. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    I cone-of-shame reacted to this post, because I thought @Chevere was taking about health insurance and couldn't figure out what that had to do with the DMV.
  17. Tumnus

    Tumnus Chicken

    I spent a good 15 minutes looking at bike shorts on amazon wondering why people would want pink duck lips on their crotch. Then my coworker pointed out that they were inside out.

    April Ludgate, nym711, virgo and 11 others like this.
  18. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

  19. DaleBrennan

    DaleBrennan Chicken


    I totally thought it was some kind of penis booty sex short
  20. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    If you told me those shorts served a more questionable purpose than biking, I’d believe you.
    Tumnus likes this.
  21. Tumnus

    Tumnus Chicken

    I was so confused. It's like why would I want to have camel toe shown and accentuated? I just want my butt not to hurt.
  22. TaterTot

    TaterTot Rulebitch Staff Member

    That's just, like, not intuitive, tho. I don't blame you, but I kinda live in this thread, so.
  23. Vespidae

    Vespidae Antagonist Staff Member

    I wonder if they work though. After 20km my cooter is screaming. After 30 I can't feel it for days.
    Tumnus, megatron and TaterTot like this.
  24. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

  25. Apples&Oranges

    Apples&Oranges Chicken

    J has male bike shorts with less phallic looking padding. I assume they at least help cuz that's what all the pros do, on their teeny tiny saddles. Bike shorts with padding and time.

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