Things I never thought I'd say

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Rico Suave, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    “I know, it’s so awful when mama won’t let you play with the dog’s vomit.”
     
  2. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    For context, Fry often congratulates himself on being “so genius”.

    “Genius is curing cancer. It’s not running away from cleaning up crayons.”
     
  3. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    “You have a choice. You can be happy patient or sad patient.”

    It doesn’t work. The response is always “NO patient!!”. That doesn’t stop it from being my new motto.
     
    April Ludgate and Tumnus like this.
  4. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    “Oh no please don’t stick my fingers in your nose.”
     
  5. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    I can hear this in your voice and it is so precious while also hilarious.
     
    Fitz likes this.
  6. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    We were having such a sweet time cuddling on the couch too!
     
    Canaligator likes this.
  7. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    Toddler wails.
    “What hurts?” Toddler grabs injured body part, which is just bumped and not really injured. “Would you like some placebo medicine?”
    (Sniffles) “Yeah.”
    I then pretend to apply medicine to the injury.
    “Did that help?”
    “Yeah.” At this point he usually stops crying and goes off on his merry way.

    In 20 years he can’t say I was lying to him.
     
    Tumnus, android, Fitz and 16 others like this.
  8. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    “You can do ONE naked dance, then it’s bedtime.”
     
    Tumnus, shiba shake, Fitz and 12 others like this.
  9. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    Why don't you like fun, fish.
     
    Afishwish likes this.
  10. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    Overheard really, but I bet the mom never thought she'd have to explain this.

    Kid: But why can't I buy it for Paulie??
    Mom: It's nice to buy her gifts, but that is a cat toy. Paulie is a human, and you need to get her a toy for humans.

    ETA: Maybe Polly? But they both said it more like PAW-lee, which is extra funny given cat toy.
     
    Aw Pigley likes this.
  11. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    Things I never thought I’d type:

    A detailed email about the potty training process which included the sentence “He has very strong feelings about wearing green underpants”.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2020
  12. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    Not something I said, but something that I never thought I'd do.

    This morning I wiped yogurt off a balloon.
     
    Afishwish, virgo, hallokween and 7 others like this.
  13. Rico Suave

    Rico Suave Chicken

    Wait... Same balloon from your IG story??
     
  14. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    @Rico Suave oh yeah that thing is so loved. I'm dreading when it loses all its helium.
     
    Rico Suave likes this.
  15. Rico Suave

    Rico Suave Chicken

    That thing is resilient!! I’m impressed.
     
    Fitz likes this.
  16. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    “Sweetie, I need to take a foot kissing break.”
     
  17. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    "No no no, we don't lick the counter."
     
    fantasynerd likes this.
  18. shakespeer

    shakespeer Basic Pirate Lesbian Aesthete

    I say that every day
     
  19. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    “That’s ok to do, we just generally want to do that when we’re by ourselves in our room.”

    I’ll let you all deduce on that one.
     
    Tumnus, Roo, megatron and 3 others like this.
  20. scotchbutter

    scotchbutter Chicken

    “Yes I’m eating this brownie for breakfast but you wouldn’t like it because it’s spicy.”
     
    Afishwish, Tumnus, Fitz and 14 others like this.
  21. Roo

    Roo Chicken

    M apparently likes spicy things now so I can't use that anymore. I miss that lie already.
     
    scotchbutter likes this.
  22. nym711

    nym711 THIS IS MY LIFE NOW

    Cosmopolitans are also spicy.
     
  23. nym711

    nym711 THIS IS MY LIFE NOW

    "She drinks way too much bath water."
     
  24. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    “Yes, I assume David Attenborough has a penis.”
    Yay, we’ve reached THAT phase.
     
  25. nym711

    nym711 THIS IS MY LIFE NOW

    "Please do not wipe your vulva and then your mouth [with toilet paper]."
     
    Afishwish likes this.