Sad thread: loss

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Kimmers, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. Erie

    Erie Florida AF

    Aw @Honey I’m sorry it keeps hitting you out of nowhere. I’m not going to pretend to understand since I haven’t lost a parent (and that’s why I haven’t said much of anything so far) but I just want to second everyone’s comments that you’re welcome to emotionally dump as much as you need here and we are all here to listen. Others can relate better than me and likely provide much better insight and advice (that quote from @HBC is so insightful I was a bit stunned - seriously, the chickens are amazing) but I am also thinking of you and sending you lots of love, as cliche as that is.
     
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  2. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    He didn’t just cut me off mid sentence, at least. He was like, “Ok imma cut it short byeee.” :lol:
     
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  3. moose

    moose RINGWORM GIRL :(

    Ugh @Honey. I don’t think it gets easier, but I think we get better at coping with it. I know that doesn’t help, but your emotions are valid. All of them. <3
     
    Honey likes this.
  4. Imabug1002

    Imabug1002 Chick pee

    This. For me, it hasn't gotten easier, I've just gotten better at living with it. I think getting the emotions out earlier will help you figure out how to live with it, or you can be like me and say things like "at least you have a dad to buy a gift for" when J was complaining he didn't know what to get his dad for Father's day... Or the time I said "My dad is dead and this old fucking cunt is still around?" about (about, not to!) some old lady at a restaurant that was complaining loudly and being ungrateful to her kids for taking her to lunch. Losing a parent sucks. I still struggle with it, a lot. I don't have great advice but I feel your pain.
     
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  5. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    Omg @Imabug1002 that resonates with me so much. It was like 5-ish years after my dad died that my bro, SIL and I were at Fenway Park in fancy seats (that I got free from a vendor and I was only in town b/c my grandmother was dying so we were in a maudlin place). These entitled bitches in front of us were not even paying attention to the game and were complaining about their parents calling and singing them happy birthday and I was like “wow, SIL, I bet you wish you could complain about your annoying father in law calling for your birthday BUT HE IS DEAD.”

    (Also I think I’ve mentioned my FIL has the same birthday as my dad which isn’t anyone’s fault but I am really sad and resentful every damn year.)
     
  6. ClamJam

    ClamJam Chicken

    Hugs to all you chickens. Grief is awful, and so tough to process when people are rubbernecking and/or offering trite little nothings like they are helpful.

    This was the first Easter without either of Rooster's grandmothers, and it was heavy. We didn't feel it as much at Christmas because the kids were sick, we were in survival mode, and missed the big family party.

    I don't know what to do about Mother's day. We've always visited my ILs, and it seems cold not to this year with the losses still hurting so much. However, I would also like to have the day with my rooster and kids and not having to spend 6 hours in the car. So.
     
  7. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    I have been all over making uncomfortable jokes in my grief. In fact, the night my mom died, I brought a six pack to a friend's house and made him watch Anthony Jeselnik's Thoughts and Prayers. I feel like it's part of coping.

    The day the paper ran her obit, my friend called and asked them to hold several copies for her so that my family could keep them. I went down to pick them up, and they said they were sold out. I was like, "No, you set copies aside for [Friend's name]. My mom's obituary is in that issue. If I don't bring home as many copies as you can scare up, my grandmother will be burying two bodies this week."
     
  8. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    Love to you all <3.
     
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  9. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    So much this. Maybe I convince D that it's time for me to adopt a pet so I can celebrate it myself like a cat lady.
     
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  10. ClamJam

    ClamJam Chicken

    Or maybe a last minute vacation somewhere photogenic? Some kind of socially acceptable way to nope right out of that holiday.
     
  11. Kimmers

    Kimmers Chicken

    I’m so sorry @Honey. I haven’t lost a parent and I can’t even imagine what you’re going through but I know how grief can sneak up on you in awful and unexpected ways. And it’s hard to go through future events and feel the loss all over again. We love you and we’re here for you.
     
    Honey likes this.
  12. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    I'm going to be back in CA the week before, and in the mountains with my brother and sister at the end of the month, so I'll have to settle for a staycation that weekend.
     
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  13. virgo

    virgo Chicken

    @Honey I’m sorry you’re going through so many emotions. I haven’t lost a parent yet but my mom is 74 so it’s on my mind more lately. I don’t know how I’ll cope when the time comes. We’re all here for you so dump as much as you need to here. <3<3
     
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  14. Rico Suave

    Rico Suave Chicken

    @Honey So much love to you. You're doing the most good you can. <3
     
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  15. Comet

    Comet Chicken

    I'm just catching up and haven't read everyone else's responses yet, but
    This is what we're here for. We love you and we are sorry you're hurting. <3
     
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  16. Lucyinthesky

    Lucyinthesky Chicken

    @Honey you’ve been on my mind lately, grief is such a tricky bitch, more so on holidays. I vote for adopting a kitty.
    Mother’s Day is rough all around for me, it’s the day my Nana passed and she was the closest thing to a mom I ever had. Last year, the kids and T took me out for brunch and bottomless mimosas, the year before I went for a massage and then avoided the world. Every year is a little easier, but also tougher because I’m heartbroken that it’s getting easier. I can’t properly explain it.
     
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  17. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    @Lh718, @ThatOneGirl and other interested parties:

    The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way - https://amzn.to/2ZZJ4gy
    This was my first assigned reading when I started grief counseling. It's a really quick read, but was invaluable for not just explaining everything I was feeling, but validating that it was all normal. In fact, one of the chapters is called "You Are Not Crazy" or something like that. It was really reassuring just to see that the full range of emotions I was/am feeling are ALL laid out, and that it's all a perfectly healthy part of the process. I gave it to my sister and grandma to read as soon as I was finished with it because I found it so helpful.

    The Grief Recovery Handbook - https://amzn.to/2NroBjl
    I'm working my way through this one right now. It feels a little sales pitchy in the first couple chapters, but bear with it. I disagree with some of the language the authors use (especially "recovery", "getting over it", etc. — there is no recovery or closure, only reconciliation). But it truly does help to identify some of the ways that we mishandle our grief and how to mourn in a more constructive way. However, it is written in first person plural, which is some Ayn Rand level insanity.
     
  18. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    G’s aunt is dying. She beat the odds twice, but things aren’t looking good this time around.

    This aunt is very, very special. She, herself, never had kids so she put a lot of focus on her nieces and nephews. She was kind of like a second mom to G, and she was incredibly sweet and welcoming when I came into the picture. We text a bunch, and she’s so invested in C — more than any other aunt on either side.

    This just sucks. All of it. We’ve sent a fun package to brighten her spirits, and I’ve kept communication up. But... bad news is inevitable. G is downstairs right now writing something for her, which is big since he often has trouble expressing emotion with things like this. (From the one sentence I caught before he realized I was snooping, it was beautiful.)

    I’m just so bummed, you guys. I wish there was more I could do. Or, if wishes were a thing, I wish I could cure leukemia. We’re set to go on vacation next week and I just know that’s when we’ll get the bad news.
     
  19. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

  20. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

    Hugs, RG. I am so sorry. <3
     
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  21. megatron

    megatron Wordsmith

    Oh I’m so sorry Rory. It’s never easy feeling so helpless like that. Thinking of you guys <3
     
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  22. Apples&Oranges

    Apples&Oranges Chicken

    So sorry rory :sad: sending all my love to you, g, aunt +fam. Life really isnt fair.
     
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  23. Zoomzoom

    Zoomzoom Old Curmudgeon

    I'm sorry Rory. Hugs
     
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  24. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    Thanks, chickens. <3 I’ve dealt with a lot of loss in my life, but this will be very hard. She’s literally the sweetest woman, and was such an important person to G growing up. This whole thing is just unfair.
     
  25. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    I’m so very sorry, my friend <3
     
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