Sad thread: loss

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Kimmers, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. ClamJam

    ClamJam Chicken

    So sorry for your loss, Lucy. How devastating :sad:
  2. megatron

    megatron Wordsmith

    That is so sad. I’m sorry Lucy :sad:
  3. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    Anybody who can find my mom’s W2 and file her tax return in the next three days is welcome to keep her refund. I’m only 99% kidding. She had mail in her house from 2002. Why can’t I find this year’s tax information?
  4. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    @Honey I'm happy to help you file a last minute return if you can get her W2. PM me if you need help. <3
    A. Ham, virgo, deet and 5 others like this.
  5. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    I just got off the phone with a friend who used to work at the IRS, and am feeling better about the whole thing right now. I can request her income transcript from the Fed if the W2 doesn’t turn up.
    shiba shake and Comet like this.
  6. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    My dad had many years of unopened mail in his house when he died. so I’m just here to empathize.
    Honey likes this.
  7. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    For every minor holiday, my mom would send me an emoji-filled text wishing me a happy whateverthefuck. I always rolled my eyes at them, but yesterday when I didn't get one, I was like, "Hey, where's my stupid text?"

    I cried into the phone to my dad this morning until he couldn't stand it anymore and hung up on me. I asked him if this ever gets easier, and he said no. I think his exact words were, "Sorry to say, it only gets more fucked." All I can say is that asshole had better start taking care of himself. He's still in a SNF after the complications with his open heart surgery nearly two months ago. I can't do this again any time soon.
  8. hallokween

    hallokween Chicken

    I'm sorry Honey. Things like that always seem to sneak up. Love to you. <3
    Honey likes this.
  9. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    I'm sorry I keep writing all these emotional brain dumps here. I am trying to get it all out, but still shielding the people who are grieving along with me (my sister, Grandma, and Rooster especially). I know they relate and they want to hear some of it. I'm just trying to tread a line where I share enough to make sure that they know they can share back, but not so much they can't bear it.

    What I am sick of though is emotional tourists. All these people who would never check up on my well-being under normal circumstances are coming out of the woodwork to rubberneck at the pain. You know the look. Cock the head to the side, stick out that lower lip, and ask, "How ARE you?" I know none of them want to hear anything heavier than "I'm hanging in there!" Go the fuck away, strangers. This is obviously not about Chickens. You know you're all amazing at checking in on each others' emotions at all times.
    Zombie Llama, virgo, ClamJam and 2 others like this.
  10. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    I’m sorry @Honey. I found the pencil case my late grandfather made me when I was in elementary school Saturday and sat there and cried over it. It’s all the little stuff that hits your out of nowhere and likely few people are woven into everyday life like your mother. ❤️
    Honey likes this.
  11. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    Ugh @Honey I know exactly what you are talking about. Reading your post I can viscerally remember the exact look I kept on my face when I was walking around my workplace after my dad died, the "if you are not my good friend do not ask me how I am right now" look. (My good friends knew better than to ask at work anyway.) Just doing that was exhausting, let alone doing that while trying to be a functional person. It was a really dark and exhausting time in my life. I'm sorry you are there, my friend.
    Honey likes this.
  12. A. Ham

    A. Ham Chicken

    Oh Honey, <3 <3 <3 to you.
    Honey likes this.
  13. scotchbutter

    scotchbutter Chicken

    I’m so sorry Honey. Lots of people here to listen
    Honey likes this.
  14. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    @Honey <3 Dump all you want. Last December marked 15 years since my mom passed, and not a day goes by where I don’t think about how different our lives would have been if stupid fucking cancer didn’t ruin everything. Some days I think about how unfair it is that she didn’t get to meet C, or even G, and just burst into tears. Randomly. Unexpectedly. She was the best.

    This will get easier in some ways. But it’ll never be easy. And will never not hurt. Just know we’re all here for you.
  15. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member


    Thank you, everybody. Intellectually, I know I'm not alone in these feelings and nearly everybody goes through this. But it really does help to be reminded that I'm not as isolated as I feel.
  16. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    You're not as isolated as you feel, and we are here for precisely this - we genuinely want to know how you're doing on any given day, whether that's "pretty good" or "pretty shitty". <3
    Zoomzoom, RoryGilmore, Tumnus and 3 others like this.
  17. hallokween

    hallokween Chicken

    You're absolutely not alone. My grandfather was the kindest, most amazing person. Yesterday E was looking at family pictures and pointing out everyone and saying "mommy, daddy, Nana (my grandmother)" and then she got to my grandfather and it just hit me. I felt such a loss, and for her as well for never getting to meet him. He would have been absolutely crazy for her.

    We love you, Honey. Please vent when you need to. I'm always here to listen whenever you feel like talking about her.
    Honey likes this.
  18. Honey

    Honey Historian Staff Member

    I know that I didn't have the most traditional upbringing with model parents. They weren't great at parenting (or adulting, even), and they have/had their problems. She wasn't perfect, but she loved me so much. And I loved her even when I didn't always like her. @HBC hit me with the feels a couple weeks ago when she told me, "There's so much more grief and trauma that you're processing here than just the loss of a parent. Her addiction has been stealing closeness and safety from your relationship since your childhood. And now it's stolen time." It's so true. She apologized to my sister and me a couple days before she died, and I hate thinking that she was worried about disappointing us just as much as I hate that I am disappointed.
    Lucyinthesky, virgo, Kimmers and 8 others like this.
  19. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

  20. Tumnus

    Tumnus Chicken

    <3 Grief is so tricky. It comes out of nowhere with things that you wouldn't expect to trigger it.

    You know this but we're here for you.
    Honey likes this.
  21. Zoomzoom

    Zoomzoom Old Curmudgeon

    Honey no words, just <3.
    Honey likes this.
  22. LadyKnight

    LadyKnight Chicken

    I am so sorry to hear everything you are going through, Honey, it must be really hard. I am definitely here to listen. I might not know you as well as other people and grieving is hard, but I am sending lots of love your way.
    Honey likes this.
  23. deet

    deet Chicken

    Everything you're saying hits WAY close to home @Honey.

    Also, rude AF your dad hung up on you, like????

    All the hugs to you.
    Honey likes this.
  24. HBC

    HBC Chicken

    Still love from over here<3
    Honey likes this.
  25. megatron

    megatron Wordsmith

    Honey likes this.

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