Sad thread: loss

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Kimmers, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. fantasynerd

    fantasynerd Extra Extra

    My best friend was/is pregnant, but it appears to be ectopic or otherwise not a healthy pregnancy, so they gave her meds to induce a miscarriage :sad:

    It’s been a roller coaster because she was doing an imperfect version of rhythm method with her husband and wasn’t really totally ready, but in mid-December she was bleeding and had a positive pregnancy test, felt like something was wrong, and she went in and told she was miscarrying. Then she came to visit and we drank and smoked weed a bunch. But then she went back to the doctor and were like never mind, you’re not miscarrying! She was worried and frustrated but excited. Her HCG numbers were increasing, but not quite doubling. All they could see in an ultrasound was increased uterine lining. Over Christmas, she told her parents, sister, and husband’s parents, who were all really excited about it. Last night she went to the ER because of pain and that’s when the call to end it was made.

    I love her so much and I feel so bad for her. I’m also disappointed because I was so excited about being pregnant at the same time as her, which is obviously still within the realm of possibility because I’m not even TTC quite yet, but if I do get pregnant before her, it makes telling her more loaded. But she already knows my TTC plans, we’re very close and have a very special friendship that I cherish and think few friendships rival.

    I want to get/do something for her but I’m not sure what, and the 400 mile distance makes it a little more complicated. I don’t think I’ll be able to visit her for at least 3 weeks. Suggestions anyone?
  2. shakespeer

    shakespeer Basic Pirate Lesbian Aesthete

    Ugh, I remember us talking about this and I was afraid it’d come to this.

    So sorry for your friend. Delivery restaurant gift cards, warm pack for cramps, candles? Something to care for her.
  3. fantasynerd

    fantasynerd Extra Extra

    Thanks Shakes <3 I’m sure it’s never a great sign when a pregnancy starts with “you seem to be miscarrying.”

    I like the general idea of “something to care for her.” I’m not sure how into candles she is and she’s not very into delivery, but I’m thinking maybe a gift card for her favorite Indian restaurant, and she enjoys doing art, so maybe some art supplies.
    Snarchitect, Tumnus and shakespeer like this.
  4. shakespeer

    shakespeer Basic Pirate Lesbian Aesthete

    I think that would be perfect.
    fantasynerd likes this.
  5. I honestly think just the fact that you are putting so much care and thought into this will be very touching for her. Some other thoughts:

    Does she like tea/coffee? Maybe some fancy variations of these and a cute mug.

    Cosy jammies? When I took some time off after my second MC I lived in some amazingly soft pjs that I sort of used like a comfort blanket.

    Is she into face masks or any kind of treat bath products?

    Certificate for a massage or treatment of some kind.

    Also, just acknowledging that this has happened and not shying away from mentioning it. I'm sure you willbecuase it sounds like you guys have a very close relationship, but I know I found people would kind of pretend nothing had happened, and that made me feel more alone.
  6. megatron

    megatron Wordsmith

    After my second MC, some of my dearest friends ( :kiss: ) sent me a care package that just appeared in my mail box one day. It was full of thoughtful things to help me relax and be comfortable (candle, bath bomb), some planner stuff (stickers, notepads), a “You are loved” bracelet, coloring books and pencil crayons, tea, and more. Just the thought that there are friends who are thinking of you in a difficult time is so nice.

    If it were me, I’d send some comforting items for relaxing or related to her interests and hobbies. Something to say you’re thinking of her, but to help her take care of herself and keep her mind off things too.
    Lh718, Fitz, Kimmers and 6 others like this.
  7. Tumnus

    Tumnus Chicken

    One of my best friends sent us a little care package and it was such a sweet, appreciated gesture.
    fantasynerd likes this.
  8. Lucyinthesky

    Lucyinthesky Chicken

    My friend passed away today, from cancer. She fought for YEARS, had chemo, radiation and every kind of procedure you can name. She even went to Mexico for brain surgery. It just kept coming back no matter what they did. Her two sons are in elementary school. My heart is so broken for her family.
  9. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. Cancer is terrible.
  10. Apples&Oranges

    Apples&Oranges Chicken

    I'm so sorry :sad: Sending peace, love, and comfort to you and her family :sad:
  11. Zoomzoom

    Zoomzoom Old Curmudgeon

    I'm so so sorry Lucy.
  12. Lucyinthesky

    Lucyinthesky Chicken

    Thanks chicks. I’m feeling super anxious, but I’m down to my last Ativan and my dr apt isnt until next week. The rink was nearly deserted today, some of her friends skipped practice and others just did drop off. The few moms that were there, had obviously been crying. Her son was on A’s team for two years and her husband coached. We weren’t best friends by any means, but I adored her and now I just feel empty and exhausted.
  13. scotchbutter

    scotchbutter Chicken

  14. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    How awful. I'm so sorry @Lucyinthesky . Love to you and her family.
  15. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

    @Lucyinthesky I am so sad your friend passed away after such a brave fight. Holding you and all that loved her in my heart.
  16. Kimmers

    Kimmers Chicken

    I’m so sorry.
  17. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    I’m so sorry Lucy. Fuck cancer.
  18. T-Rex

    T-Rex Chicken

    Im so sorry Lucy, thats so hard.
  19. shakespeer

    shakespeer Basic Pirate Lesbian Aesthete

    What a tremendous loss. I’m so sorry for you and all who loved her.
  20. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    So sorry Lucy.
  21. Imabug1002

    Imabug1002 Chick pee

    I'm so sorry, Lucy. Cancer sucks.
  22. CoolWife

    CoolWife Chicken

    <3 That's heartbreaking. Fuck cancer.
  23. Tumnus

    Tumnus Chicken

    I'm so sorry Lucy.
  24. Rico Suave

    Rico Suave Chicken

    Lucy, I'm so sorry for you loss. <3
  25. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    I'm so sorry, Lucy. That's heartbreaking.