Marital Woes

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Rico Suave, Feb 24, 2017.

  1. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    Yeah, I mean, I'd prefer if other people didn't kiss them and potentially introduce germs to my household (years of an RE making a very big deal out of me getting a fever during treatment cycles has stuck with me I guess), but I'm not going tell M his mom can't kiss him if he's cool with it. She's also all about grabbing his drink to taste it or stealing a bite of his food and those are hard nos for me with anyone but him. Another reason I'm not into kisses (or shared food/drinks) is that my sister has herpes so I'm always paranoid about that stuff.
  2. HBC

    HBC Chicken

    ??? How does your sister drink
  3. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    @HBC I'm not following??

    Eta: Derp, got it. She has it in both areas.
  4. Tumnus

    Tumnus Chicken

    (this is just a perspective, not like an attack on your boundaries because your feelings are valid)

    I have noticed that there seems to be certain demographic of older ladies that feel like they have to talk REALLY LOUD and UP SUPER CLOSE to be heard by babies. We had a daycare teacher like that and it drove me bonkers to hear her talk to E. Basically just saying that it might take awhile to break that habit.
    Comet likes this.
  5. moose

    moose RINGWORM GIRL :(

    That took me way too long.
    yesmaster and Comet like this.
  6. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken

    I still don’t get it. :angry:
    Comet likes this.
  7. whatchyagonnado

    whatchyagonnado Chicken


    Eta- lol that wasnt supposed to caps but leaving it
    Afishwish, allmaple, deet and 14 others like this.
  8. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    I tried to click like a second time when I saw your edit.
  9. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken


    Okay, I had that fleeting thought but was like “no, I must be missing something.”
  10. HBC

    HBC Chicken

    If it eases your mind, you’re unlikely to catch either herpes from casual contact like a kiss or a shared beverage. Just avoid if there’s an active mouth sore.
    Comet likes this.
  11. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    So our talk last night went...okay-ish? Maybe? He doesn't really see where I'm coming from. It sounds like he'd be ok with her living here (town, not our house thank Jeff Goldblum) and being around ALL.THE.TIME. I think he sees her being here as free help with the baby that would result in him being able to do most of the things he wants when he wants, all guilt free. At least that's how it's coming across to me. He couches it as good for C - "he wouldn't have to spend so much time at daycare." But then he follows that up by talking about how it would be nice to be able to do things after work without feeling like we have to rush to pick him up because he'd be with faaaaammmmmmilllly. :roll: Like, ok, I get that you don't get to go mountain biking or fishing as much as you want, but why are your hobbies more important than my feelings?

    Besides the fact that I just don't like her, she's already proven that she's flaky AF when it comes to childcare and she's just not very good with him. Plus I have so many concerns about her physical abilities. But he brushes all of that off, so. I think this is going to have to be a discussion with a third party. I didn't have a chance to bring up counseling yet, but it is looking more and more inevitable. I do think he will be open to it still though, maybe even more now.

    He did call MIL and told her to just come over for the second weekend in October instead of the whole week+. He went outside to call her so I don't know exactly what was said, but he said he told her I'm trying to get C on a schedule and don't want to throw him off by screwing with his routine. After they got off the phone, she sent a message to our group text saying she'd come over just on the 5th and go home so we can celebrate our anniversary (which is actually 2 days before that). M told her it was ok, we would celebrate with C and she didn't keep pushing for once.
  12. whatchyagonnado

    whatchyagonnado Chicken

    Did you accidentally marry a footie player from Australia by chance?

    I kid. But seriously I think hes probably overestimating how often he’d really wanna leave C with her because y’all are still in the trenches of the first year right now. Once C is older a lot of places (at least here and I am sure there too) do kids night out where they do games and pizza for like $20 while you get to go on a date night. If hes feeling a little claustrophobic I’d also suggest some PTO on days C is in daycare for day dates sporadically. C will also be able to hang more soon enough! It sounds like hes feeling probably both guilt and a loss of sense of self, and thinks this is a one in all solution. Tis not! Also its SO MUCH harder to tell family what to do than hired help. Like fuck me if I couldn’t get my mom to stop trying to nap C with the light on the few times shes watched him while I was working. With our nanny I was just like yea this is what you do and she listened because no strings attached and she wanted her $$$.

    I’m glad he had your back on Oct! That is a positive step!
    April Ludgate, CoolWife, Fitz and 8 others like this.
  13. Comet

    Comet Instigator

    Right? But yeah, I think your assessment is pretty damn close.

    We both feel pretty overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work and lack of time for ourselves, both individually and as a couple, since C was born. He thinks her presence would make life easier and I...don't. I feel like it would create more work AND have no impact on guilt for me, not to mention the annoyance/frustration from having to deal with her so often.
    April Ludgate, Canaligator and A. Ham like this.
  14. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    I get this. I was so hesitant to leave C with anyone that first year, since WHAT IF SHE CHOKES. Or, what if something goes wrong! But, those boundaries made it even harder for G and I. He respected my wishes, but eventually, having the in-laws there was just hard to avoid. They really wanted those moments.

    Eventually, I gave it a shot. It was hard, that first time or two away. It got easier — they got comfortable with her, and I got comfortable with them. And when your kiddo get older, they’re a little more durable.

    The call is totally yours, but I’m wondering if maybe just an hour of your MIL watching C at a time may either make you feel better about the situation....or, give you more evidence as to why it’s not going to work.
    Comet and Canaligator like this.
  15. deet

    deet Chicken

    I think the physical concern is definitely a sticking point. If there are worries she can’t handle him now, it will only get worse. I don’t know if she remembers what it’s like to wrangle a toddler - it’s like @HBC fighting a bear.
  16. HBC

    HBC Chicken

    Spoiler: I always lose
  17. Fitz

    Fitz Leslie Knope Monster

    Took me a minute, then :fire:
  18. nym711

    nym711 THIS IS MY LIFE NOW

    Ohhhhh, I got it now. Haha.

    Toddlers are strong AF.
    Comet likes this.
  19. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    So after lots of pissing me off in various ways lately, I hit my boiling point with rooster. I told him I was afraid his addressing certain problems was going to be too little too late, and I think that was a wake up call, or he at least remembered there’s no prenup (I kid...sort of). Or maybe he did soul searching. Idk, but whatever it was, he was amazing this weekend. Super loving, I had a girls’ day with some friends, he helped out around the house, and was just generally great to be around. It felt more like the good ol’ days.
    April Ludgate, Fitz, deet and 17 others like this.
  20. calicat

    calicat Queen of the Eggs

    that's awesome @Afishwish. I hope he keeps it up!
    Afishwish likes this.
  21. Lh718

    Lh718 Chicken

    I'm glad @Afishwish , and I hope he truly recognizes how far off course he's been recently.
    Afishwish likes this.
  22. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    That’s great news and I hope he keeps it up!
    Afishwish likes this.
  23. T-Rex

    T-Rex Chicken

    Rooster and I are currently fighting.

    C-rex is still on the binkie, and we have made some half hearted attempts at restricting it during the day. We havent been super successful.

    Today I get home with C-rex, and Rooster asks him for his binkie since he was outside playing (a rule we have actually stuck to). C-rex refused, so Rooster took it. Cue meltdown, so Rooster says "we need to just cut cold turkey". I said "well, I agree during the day, but maybe not just in his crib at night". Rooster immediately gets upset. Says that Im not going to listen to his opinion amd we will just do what I want to do. I said thats not true, I wanted to talk it out since I feel like he should at least have it just at night. Rooster then says "yeah well we were supposed to have been doing that all along but you're doing a real good job of that during the day" (dripping with sarcasm).

    Needless to say I got upset. Then he wondered why I was upset. He asked "are you mad at me?" Um, yeah! I dont like the emotional manipulation OR the blame OR then being expected to just be over it. So now he is also mad that I am still mad and Im not sure when we will get out of this circle.
  24. whatchyagonnado

    whatchyagonnado Chicken

    @T-Rex just on the binkie front- C still sleeps with his and his dentist said his teeth look great (he just went two weeks ago) and he can keep using it at night. Has your C done the dentist yet? Maybe getting a thumbs up for night use from a pro will help with that compromise?
  25. T-Rex

    T-Rex Chicken

    @whatchyagonnado - we do need to make a dentist appmt. I mean, im not even opposed 100% to trying cold turkey entirely at this point. Honestly its his reaction that has me steamed. I bring up a counter point and he goes immediately to "of course we will just end up doing it your way". Like I cant even have a discussion with you about it? I just have to go "yes dear" or you are gonna get pissed now?