TL;DR I have reached the end of my rope with Smother-In-Law and my husband's lack of a spine with her and am planning a come to Jesus talk with M about it. I'm not sure how many of my issues are BEC or due to my anxiety versus how many are legitimate problems. We have to get some boundaries in place and he needs to get on board with setting and enforcing them or I am going to lose my ever-loving mind.. PART 1-this is gonna be long, sorry! We got into another argument about her yesterday because she is coming 10/5-10/13 and M thinks it is not enough for her to see C four times in that period and. He says I'm being unreasonable. I say this is already more visiting than I am happy or comfortable with. I feel like every interaction with her turns into this slippery slope situation (start with one day and somehow that turns into a full week or more) and I am never able to stay in my own comfort zone. We have an adults only event on 10/12 that I was fine with hiring a babysitter for, but M said his mom would love to come over and take care of C that night. Ok, fine..I agreed to having her over for the weekend with her staying in a hotel because we have no guest space and I'm not dealing with her on my couch. I figured we'd hang out all together Friday and then Saturday night she'd babysit C, then probably breakfast or something Sunday am before she goes home. Then she tells M she'd be happy to come over for our anniversary on 10/3 so we can go out to dinner just the two of us, and she'll just get a condo rental and stay through the next weekend for our party. I shot that down because a) our anniversary is on a Thursday and we both have to work Friday so I'd want to be home relatively early anyway b) 10 days is eight too many for her to come in my opinion and c) nothing screams romance like a MIL in your house who won't just leave and we all know that's what would happen. So then M proposes to her that she just come that Saturday (10/5) and we will celebrate our anniversary that night by going out to a nice restaurant we wouldn't take C to. I reluctantly agreed to that (I know, I know). M said he told her he'd meet her at daycare "a day or two that week" to put C into her car and she could come hang with him at our house until I get home. I said she can do this one day max, but I'm debating whether I'm even comfortable with that. That Tuesday is school pictures and that Thursday our housekeeper comes so I don't want MIL and C all up in her way. That only leaves Monday/Wednesday/Friday as possibilities and I don't want to disrupt his schedule/routine too much, plus I want my privacy and time alone with MY family. I KNOW she won't just leave when I get home from work and we have a lot of stuff to get done on weeknights so we are prepped for the next day. She will already see him the first Saturday night (and probably most of the day since I'm assuming she will show up early in the day), Sunday afternoon (my girlfriends and I have plans for a Mean Girls showing...I was going to bring him with me because BFing, but I said he could stay with M and MIL even though that means I'll have to pump during my "time to myself" ), potentially one day that she gets him from daycare around M's lunchtime and probably stays all the way through dinner at our house, and then the next Saturday for the party we are going to. When M told me he'd proposed coming the first weekend and staying through the next to her (why would he do this without consulting me first???), I told him very directly that we have jobs and responsibilities during the week and other obligations and I was not rearranging any of our routine or playing hostess to her all week. He agreed when I said that, but now somehow four fucking visits over 8 days is not enough. "But she's driving all the way over here to see us/C." "I'm not going to ignore her all week." etc, etc. We also keep having heated discussions about Christmas plans because it is very important to me to have our own nuclear family traditions for Christmas. He grew up visiting his grandparents and extended family in PA for two weeks every year during the holidays because MIL was a teacher and had the time off. I want to spend Christmas morning just the three of us in our own house (or whatever other location of our choosing - a mountain cabin or whatever). I want to do our own gifts and the whole Santa thing with just the three of us. I have told him that I am willing to host literally anyone who wants to come after lunch that day, but that I don't want to have to load C up in the car as soon as he's done opening his presents to haul him across the state and I want our alone time that morning. I feel like this is a good compromise, but M thinks we should either go to her house or let her spend every fucking minute at ours. I'm not sure how much of this is because he actually wants to spend time with his whole extended family and how much is because MIL is in his fucking head about it and he's just trying to make her happy.