Kids say the darnedest things

Because they do and reminder they are always listening.

In the car:
2yo: Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. MOMMY!
Me: Son('s name). Son. Son. Son. SON.
2yo: MOMMY.
Me: Son.
2yo. Mommy. I'm right here.

Upon seeing two quarters:
2yo: I need money for dinosaur.
Me: Fine.
2yo. I need more money.
Me: Me too.
2yo: I need animal crackers.
Me: What do you need more?
2yo: I need more money.... may I please have animal crackers?

 

We were watching America's Got Talent and S says to me "I want to be on that show." At first I thought she meant in the audience but she says "I know some songs. I can sing. And I know my name" because the judges always ask the contestants their name before they start

I have also been binge watching Fixer Upper and the other day she was playing and I heard her say "Lets see your fixer upper!"

 

Me, to a kid at work chewing gum: if you want your Prince Charming back, you need to spit out your gum first

Kid: *spits gum directly into my lap* Charming please.

 

I love these kinds of stories. Keep them coming!

 

I can't wait for this. The only good one I have now is after every bath, G gets out and has to do a lap naked around the house, and I have to go "get" him. He always ends up hiding behind the couch. So I tried the ole counting "one, two, three..." to get him to come out & it totally backfired.

Me: One
Him: TWO, FREE, FO

 

P will be a frequent flyer in this thread.

Me: How was school? Were you good?
P: Yeah. _____ got in trouble though cause he said the goldfish were crappy
Me: Yeah that's not a nice word
P: *whispering in the backseat* They were crappy.

 

Omg I want to hang out with P. A and I are really laughing over this one.

 

P might be my favorite child I haven't met

 

I'mma teach C to say "Screw you chickens, I'm the best."

 

O isn't talking yet, but when B and I are being silly we do the Arsenio Hall arm pump and "ooh ooh ooh." O copies it now and it is fucking hilarious.

 

He dances to Boobs in California. O is the bomb.

 

This is true too.

 

So this is just the 4-year-old nanny kid of someone I don't know in a nanny group, but it's too amazing:

Girl: This is my unicorn. Her name is Horny.

 

I nannied for a little girl and my favorite thing she ever said was "fire toothpick" when she didn't know the word for match. And S called her elbow her "arm knees"

Edit: and clock was one of her early words she said, but it totally came out as cock.

 

My little sister's first word was "Hemi" because my stepdad thought she'd be a million times cuter saying that than the kid in a commercial was. He wasn't wrong.

 

Saw a kid at work who was obsessed with clocks, but he could only say cock.

"Look at that huge cock!!! Look, a tiny cock!"

 

My friend's two year old was riding his older sis (his horse). As they turned to leave the room, he waved at us and yelled out, "bye, bye! I'm going to Africa."

 

Last night reading a book about friends:
Me: "Do you have friends you play with at school?"
2yo: "Yes"
Me: "Who are your friends at school?"
2yo: "Um. A. (Girl next door, who is not in his classroom)"
Me: "Yeah, she's your friend. Do you have other friends at school?"
2yo: "Mr N." (Her dad)
Me: "Yeah he's a good guy to play with too. Who do you play with at school?"
2yo: "I eat popsicles!"

 

S calls ladybugs "babybugs." I'm not correcting him.

 

One night after a bath, Fry went scrambling off in a turbocrawl, butt naked.
Me, doing my best Mel Gibson: "Freedom!"
Baby: *primal scream*

 

At this wedding, waiting for it to start and the benches were a bit crowded so some of us sat on the ledge on the side (perfectly fine place to sit but was a side view, not an issue really), the three year old boy next to me shouted out

"Why did they not get enough chairs??"

 

Get that kid a WeddingBee login stat.

 

WB response: This is why all weddings should be child-free.