Family: The Gift You Can’t Return

Discussion in 'The Hens' Nest' started by Scout, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. moose

    moose RINGWORM GIRL :(

    His response was: “we aren’t throwing a shower and we do not control who is invited to any event we aren’t in charge of.”
     
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  2. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken

    That kind of reads like you are having a shower thrown by someone else.

    Expect this to come back again.
     
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  3. moose

    moose RINGWORM GIRL :(

    I think he wants her to know that she doesn’t get to tell us how to dictate other people. I’m sure even if his response didn’t read that way, it would come back around. It always seems to with her.
     
  4. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken

    But I read that and it looks more like ‘we can’t include you’ rather than ‘we won’t include you’ which makes me wonder if she’ll start contacting anyone she can and spin the tale of poor N doesn’t feel right adding guests or something like that.
     
  5. moose

    moose RINGWORM GIRL :(

    I could see her doing that, so you’re not wrong @MagnificentCat. But I’m also not getting involved now that he’s finally saying something to her instead of just remaining silent while I get angrier. I think it may be a skill he needs to learn for himself and I don’t want to hijack it.
     
  6. Lucyinthesky

    Lucyinthesky Chicken

    The appropriate response should have been something along the lines of “we’re sorry about what happened at the gender reveal, would you be willing to give us a chance to right our wrong at future functions? Hope your family is doing well” being dictated to and stomping on boundaries doesn’t go over so well with most people.
     
  7. TaterTot

    TaterTot Rulebitch Staff Member

    Killing it, Lucy.
     
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  8. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    Next time I have a tough message to send I’m consulting Lucy first.
     
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  9. shakespeer

    shakespeer Basic Pirate Lesbian Aesthete

    Honestly thought you meant @Canaligator's Lucy and tbh I bet she'd give sage advice.
     
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  10. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    Lol I thought the same!
     
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  11. Tumnus

    Tumnus Chicken

    She would stare deeply in your soul and then ask for boops.
     
  12. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    Dog Lucy’s advice I’m afraid would be tainted by cute privilege. Most of us would be treated better if we were that level of adorable.
     
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  13. fantasynerd

    fantasynerd Extra Extra

    I feel like there would also be a lot of advice which was basically “Pet Lucy, feel better.” Which, TBF, is surely accurate.
     
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  14. Canaligator

    Canaligator Barbie Police

    I can attest that would be her advice, and it would be sound.
     
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  15. moose

    moose RINGWORM GIRL :(

    Another gem from my MIL:

    N was talking to her about how we don’t need help setting up the nursery because he built the furniture last weekend with my mom. His mom asked for pictures and he said she could see it when she comes to visit because her name is up in the room.

    “So you told her parents but won’t tell us. This is why we don’t feel like family.”
     
  16. MagnificentCat

    MagnificentCat Chicken

    “Well we can’t trust you to not blab to everyone, Carol.”
     
  17. moose

    moose RINGWORM GIRL :(

    He told her that he was sorry she felt that way but her actions put her in this position. So :shrug:
     
  18. Zombie Llama

    Zombie Llama Ain't no corn bitch

  19. Afishwish

    Afishwish Bramblebutt

    God the constant martyrdom sounds exhausting
     
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  20. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    The part that really gets me is that she doesn’t seem apologetic for her actions whatsoever. Like, you’d assume that she’d understand why she’s out of the loop now, and learn from that, but no. Instead, it’s everyone else’s fault somehow.
     
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  21. HBC

    HBC Chicken

    Of course it is. She’s the victim here.
     
  22. Apples&Oranges

    Apples&Oranges Chicken

    Small family vent.

    There is a ton of tension between all my aunts and grandma. My mom hasn't spoken with my grandma, she's not on speaking terms with 2/3 sisters (and the one is only on an as needed basis, basically). You have to be very careful with what you say and do because things get twisted, said behind your back, etc. Nobody trusts anybody. Basically, just a very uncomfortable setup all around. Well my cousin, her caretaker, wants to throw an 80th birthday party for her. Great! But he just told everyone last night and he wants to do it Oct 5th. That is.... not a lot of time for us to figure things out when a lot of us aren't local. One person is out of town, another aunt works and her daughter has a homecoming Dance. My sister just popped a baby out of her vag. I'm 800 miles away.... and I can bet that there will be tons of talk "wow, they couldn't even show up for her birthday." :wall:
     
  23. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    Honestly, all of that is reasonable. It’s not your fault that this was hastily planned. Don’t go, but send flowers or a card or something.
     
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  24. Apples&Oranges

    Apples&Oranges Chicken

    It IS all reasonable. He's given us 3 weeks notice for the event, claims he's going to have it catered, and location is TBD. It just sucks that someone will spin it to my grandma that they didnt care enough to show up. Or even if they dont deliberately say something, my grandma's reduced mental capacity might make her draw that conclusion. I suggested the 19th might work and he said he can maybe make it happen if it works for others, so here's hoping.
     
  25. RoryGilmore

    RoryGilmore Chicken

    That’s why you need to take control of the situation before they do. I’m guessing the party isn’t a surprise, right? Maybe write and mail her a note and wish her well and apologize for not being able to make it. Maybe send some pictures. Then, let it be. If they gossip, they gossip. But you did the right thing for your situation.
     
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